Conversations with Clemens

You're actin' like I betrayed you.

stare.

Oh, c'mon now.  The weddin' ain't gonna be for a while, I'm sure.  I don't even know if we're engaged proper.  I don't think blurtin' it after I fucked her into a babblin' wreck really counts, Clem.

stare.

It ain't a legitimate proposal, is what I'm sayin'.  Girl like Bethy deserves the whole fancy experience, don't she?  Roses and dinner and a big pretty diamond.  Joe's doesn't exactly pay me a king's ransom.

stare.

Oh for cryin' out loud.  C'mere.

pettings?  pettings.  meow.

You like Bethy.  I know you do.

meow.

Yeah.  She'd kinda be your mum.  In as much as she's Lucy's mum.

bedroom.  follow.  sit.  stare.

She's it for me.  I know we haven't really been together that long, but she's it for me, Clem.  Ain't nobody else.  Just her.  Nobody else would've loved me like that if I came strollin' into their room lookin' like Halloween came early.

meow.  kisses?  headbutt.

Yeah, see?  It ain't so bad.  And she gave me some clarity about dad.  Can't believe the bastard's actually decided I'm his dear son now, after all these years.

stare.  oh no.

I ain't somethin' you can throw away when I'm just a kid and then come back and claim as your own, y'know?  He still talks to me like I'm three.  Offerin' me those damned cinnamon sweets.

bad bad this is bad.

Well, I'll tell you somethin', Clemens.  He's welcome to come and teach me how to do whatever it is a cambion does, other than seduce, but he ain't my dad, and I ain't his son.

bad bad bad run bad!

Clem?  Where you goin'?

run!!!

You've gotta stop standing on my phone when I've got texts up.

stare.

You're over a stone.  You're gonna break it.

meow.

Little Lucy you ain't, Clem.

pet.  headbutt hand.

I don't even know where to start with Frey, I don't.  Should've told her Dad's been lurkin' about, but I guess I thought she already knew.

kitchen.  follow.  breakfast!

Seems he's been much more...present for her life than he's been for mine.  Ain't sure if I should be flattered or offended.  Maybe take a third option.  None of the above.  Here you go, eat up.

yummy food!  eat.

I wish you could talk.  Could use some advice.

eat.  stare.

Then again, what are you gonna do, lend me a hand on family issues?  Lend me a paw?  Could at least help me memorize cranial sutures for that quiz I got later.

eat.  cambion eat too.  good.  eat good.

Why does it matter that Beth's a Lyons?  Y'think Freya will know?

lyons?

Aw, hell.  Maybe I should stop tryin' to put it all together for a little bit.  Day or so.  Gonna drive myself bloody crazy.

stare.

Alright.  You're gonna help me memorize stuff anyway.  C'mere, let's talk about...oh, I know, let's do somethin' else.  Serial founder effect, I'll explain it.  It happens when you have this stable population, right, and then some of them go off to a separate location.  They become isolated from the original population.

stare.  bedroom.

Now once you got isolation comin' into play, there's no more genetic drift between the new population and the original, so you're gonna lose some initial genetic variation, but you might get some new mutations croppin' up that the old population won't have.

stare.  why cambion do this?  no understand.

So then this second population becomes stable.  And you get a small group from the second population who go off to another separate location, and they become geographically isolated too.  So the same thing happens again and again and again and that's why Homo sapiens is so diverse across the globe.  The serial founder effect.

stare.

Yeah, yeah.  I'm just tryin' to think about somethin' else.  I didn't expect you to understand.  You think I'd make a good professor, Clem?

meow.

Teachin' uni kids all day, then comin' home to my wife and kid.  I kinda like that.  And you of course, Clem.  'Cause you're gonna live forever, I'm hopin'.

pet.  purr.

Alright, I gotta go.  I might be home late tonight, yeah?  Gotta talk to Frey.

run run run run.  run?  how run?  cambion hurt.

no hurt now.  wings.  mad.  mad mad.

meow?

run run run run.

run.

cambion fall.

noise!  scream!  no!  bad!  people hear, stop stop stop.

sit on head.  meow.

Get off, Clemens.

meow.

I said get the fuck off!  I don't wanna hurt you!

up.  run.  run.

come back later.

cambion run.  cambion fly.  cambion mad mad mad.

home?  no.

witch.  cambion need witch.  clemens go find?

no.  clemens find master.

I am already here, cat.  Let him run.  It'll burn off his energy.  I imagine we'll have so much to discuss later, the boy and I, won't we?

master!  purrrrrr.

How much longer do you think I can put off dinner with Mum?

stare.  water drip drip, no like.

Well, that's your fault for rubbin' up on me when I'm fresh outta the shower.

shake!

Remember when Mum found you hidin' under the neighbor's car?  You were filthy.  We had to throw you straight in the bath, we did.

meow.

Yeah, I know you hated it.

on counter.  sit.

It's not that I don't wanna see her, I just don't wanna have to have this talk.  It's gonna hurt when it turns out she's been lyin', which I can almost guarantee she has.

mirror fog.  look at mirror.  other kitty hi!

Is a lie of omission really a lie if you're not sayin' it to keep somebody you love safe?

touch touch touch touch thud

Oi!  Stop knockin' my things off the counter, you dumb lump.

pettings!  purrrrrr.

Can't see a damned thing in this mirror.  Move, Clem, I gotta wipe it clean.

move.  floor.  stare.

Well, even if my insides are a big mess, at least I look good, yeah?

mirror!  mirror wrong!  mirror move!  hisssssss.

Oh for fuck's sake.  Calm down, buddy, you're fine.  Dunno what's got you so riled.

protect cambion!  hiss!  fluff!  be big scary clemens!

What are you even lookin' at?  Chasin' fairies in the walls again, are ya?

where it go where it go where it go?

Ain't nobody here but us, Clemens.  Promise.